After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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