dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
