it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
