new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
