So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
