Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
