What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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