life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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