Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
