How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
