At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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