God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
MIDGETS
????
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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