Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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