I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
