and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
