It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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