Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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