Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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