ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
