So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to have your abortion
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
