i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
