I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
