it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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