my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
