A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
