Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
