Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
