I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
