You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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