My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everything about him screamed your future.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I pour the whiskey from now on
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
