I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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