Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
