with your own penis?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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