Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Who died my cat blue again?
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