new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
