I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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