eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
