But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
