you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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