My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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