I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
