sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
