my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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