lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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