So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
