I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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