so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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