no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
