He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
