I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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