Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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