I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
