Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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