I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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