How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
be right there i have to get my cape
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
