I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
