the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
