my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
