i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
