so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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