I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
