He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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