i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
