i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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