Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
two words: eviction party
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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