how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
