I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
