i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
