you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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