saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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