i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
