remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
