If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
